Woke up at 4.30am, took my shower and then woke up Sam at 5am. Sam had her breakfast but I couldn't eat. Figured I'll eat when I reach Antioch at 8am. 5am is too early to eat.
The journey went smoothly as I fetched Anna and Sveta promptly at 6.25am. Then went on to Quito Road to fetch Jennifer McQueen and then, we all head off to Antioch. It was 1.5 hour's journey and it was a pretty smooth ride with not much traffic on the road. We reached Antioch's Delta Bowl at 8.05am. After dropping off the bowling balls, Jennifer, Sveta and me went to Starbucks across the road and get some breakfast and coffee/frappucino.
The tournament started off promptly at 9am and it was the singles first. Again, Sam struggled with herself and I can see her losing it and it was frustrating as a mom to watch her own daughter lose confidence slowly but surely as she continues to miss her sparing when her 1st ball doesn't strike. She fought with the lanes, she fought with herself and it was a disastrous 1st game of 158 followed by a more disastrous 147 and 171. I couldn't bear to watch this. Didn't wake up at 4.30am to see my daughter "kill" herself on the lanes so, I walked away and left her to her own misery.
Then, upon completion of their singles, Sam n Jennifer went on to play the doubles event and though Sam did slightly better with scorelines of 190, 168, 168, I don't think both of them will make the cut as both of them bowled below their book average of 183 and 187 respectively. But with Jennifer, at least I can see she is still having fun but with Sam, it was self destruction in action again at its peak (esp in the singles event). She just tried too hard and her game and focus fell apart. But it was good news for Jacob and Anna as both of them bowled above their book average and I hope they'll win something out of this tournament. At least then, the long drive would've made it all the more worthwhile.
Definitely have to have a long talk with Sam when I go home. Tournament finished much earlier than I thought. Reached home about 1.15pm in time to have lunch with Ed who cooked his famous chicken rice (yummy) and sweet n sour soup (delicious!).
Now I am beginning to feel depressed because it hurts as a mom to watch one's own daughter journey through destruction and break apart into pieces and cannot do a darn thing about it. Sam, why do you do this to yourself? I don't understand what triggered it coz b4 the Pepsi tournament, I was just commenting to her that I am proud to see that she has improved mentally in her game and as a result, her game has improved from a 160 to a 180 average. And just when I thought I could breathe a little easier whenever she goes for a tournament, she's doing all these garbage to self-destruction again. Sigh, perhaps it's time to throw in the towel. It's not worth going through all these stress as no one wins in the end. Perhaps it's time to cancel all her future bowling tournaments, training and practices until she behaves herself and knock herself out of this indifferent attitude and mental torture. Either way, it's a sorry state of affairs for Sam's bowling for the time being. Sad.... Seemed like history repeating itself and the process to recovery is so hard and long.... I am not sure if I have the mental toughness to hang in there for her anymore or the physical energy to continue being a bowling mom????????????? Sam, it's all up to you now.... I give up for now!
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